She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
