It's Friday. Sex?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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