I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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