All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
