watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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