Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
