I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
