Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
