I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
