i permit you to call me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
