I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
