I'm so fucking centered right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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