Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
