We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
