My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
