I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Someone signed my nipple.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
