Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
