These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
