Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
