Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
