i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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