We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
