I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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