I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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