I wish my penis had an off switch
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
