i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
