Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
