grandma shit on top of the toilet
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
