Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I understand Curling. That high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
