You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
