my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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