I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
