I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
