Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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