So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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