dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
