The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
