I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
