Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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