and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
