haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
