I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
