After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
