i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
