Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
