My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
