I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
