we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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