I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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