he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
