hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
