ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
